Moyosola Jolaolu: Falling in love and hitting pause on self.
I recently tweeted about how as women, we are conditioned to loving with all of our being. We are more predisposed to caring and being selfless as our bodies are able to bring human beings into the world. We’re maternal creatures. Oh the power in that!
However, this gift can be bitter sweet as simply because we are able to love with no abandon, this sometimes results in feeling inadequate as we forget that we have to grow as individuals even after we’ve seemingly found the one. Our culture doesn’t really favour us in this regard either as from the moment we are brought into the world, we are tutored on how best to be good wives. No matter how much you acquire financially or educationally, it is never enough if you do not have a home. This nearly promotes the notion that our sole purpose of existence is in finding a partner and training ourselves to be worthy of love.
But, it is so important to remember that you have a duty first to yourself before anyone else to be the best version of yourself possible. You are not excluded in this equation even when you are married and (or) have children. You see, you can’t really be of help to others if you’re simply existing and living afloat.
I recently sat with grannies in their 60s and 70s who let it be known that if they had to do it all over again, they would think of themselves too. They had lived to be responsible for everyone else but themselves. ‘It leaves you with a void, you end up feeling like you didn’t live because you didn’t’, one of the dear ladies stated.
It is an amazing thing to be in love and to find a partner who is able to love you the way you like to be loved but it is even more amazing to have an intimate relationship with yourself. What are your triggers? What are your goals? What drives you?
As we step into a new quarter; it is important to figure out where you would like to find yourself at the end of the year and start working towards it. Let nothing distract you from your focus and by all means, live your best life… not for anyone else, but for you!
Always remember, without fail, you are your first priority.
Moyosola is a Communications Strategist, Writer and Editor. She is unrepentant about the empowerment of women across Africa.