Dear Girl,
I know.
It’s easier to give in to what we feel is comfortable, because we struggle with the fear of losing control and really waiting on God.
It’s easier to give your best in this present relationship, because you want so hard for it to work, yet God is there saying: “let go, I have saved the best for you. I have written the best love story for you. Will you wait to read it? Will you wait to live it?”
And yea, I know that terrifying fear of being alone: of possibly ending up alone. “Does God know how much I desire to love and be loved? Is it possible that I could wait forever? Does God even have marriage in His plans for me?”
I have once carried these fears like a heavy shell on my back and I know how tempting it is to try to fix it. To try to help God expedite the process. So we stay where we know we shouldn’t. We give ourselves to temporary madness and things that do not feed our soul.
You give yourself to the one who loves your surface at the expense of your soul.
But please hear me: will you rather get the satisfaction of getting what you want now so that you live your whole life desperately trying to want what you’ve got every time the rubber meets the road.
Or will you rather endure the temporary pain of heartbreak now so that you can live a long-term knowing that you are in the will of God.
So I guess what you may want to know is this: after I have mustered the courage to walk away. After I have stepped out of comfort and into the unknown. After I have bid goodbye to certainty, what do I do now with such uncertainty? How do I know I have heard God about this beauty for ashes? How do I find this love story? And when do I even live it?
I will tell you this, girl…as it is with every waiting season: you simply trust.
This is the only thing. There are no ‘five steps’ – no how-tos. You simply trust in the word that He’s given you.
You trust that the desires of your heart are before Him everyday and He knows when He will break through to you.
And here’s one thing that my wait taught me: God always wants to know the why behind the what? And this is what determines how we wait, and sometimes how long we wait.
Girl, maybe I should ask you: why do you want it? Why do you want a man? Why do you want a relationship/courtship? Why do you even want to be married?
What is your why?
Are you just running out of time or patience? Or is it about the pressure? Or the shame that may come with being ‘alone’? Or maybe you’re just lonely?
Girl, what is your why?
Because this is the thing: whatever your “why” is, God will make sure that by the end of your waiting season, your “why” aligns with His.
That your heart aligns with His. That you understand that His ways are not like ours – His timing is nothing like ours.
That marriage is not supposed to come and make you feel good. It’s not supposed to be another thing you check off your life-list. Marriage is designed to bring God glory and make you holy. And this is the thing.
It’s in marriage that you learn to love like He does. And this may knee-jerk you: marriage is where you ‘die’ daily like He did.
I remember before I started dating my husband, I penned these words that have since taken me daily to the Cross: “Lord, I want a man who will love you more than he loves me. I desire a marriage that when people see us they give You all the Glory. I want to love like You, Lord. Make me more like You, Lord.”
Girl, I dared to write these words that still knee-jerk me.
Somewhere during that waiting season, I borrowed God’s eyes to see what I should desire. I borrowed His heart so that I prayed for what He wanted me to pray for. Somehow, with this change in perspective, I knew that old relationship had no place for this and I knew that to get this: I had to learn to wait, and wait well.
So hear me girl: it may not be popular to wait because it is hard to wait. But know this: His grace and love is available to you. As you wait, He wants you to wait in Him and to fall more in love with Him.
And this is the main thing: to fall in love with the Lover of your soul. No one will ever love you like Him. You’ve got to find yourself within Him and hold on to the railings of His heart and dance with Him until He gives you away. Love your God, girl, and learn His voice now because it’ll be the One voice you’ll desire to hear daily in your marriage.
Hold on for the beautiful love story He’s written for you. You will be eternally grateful you did.
Promise!
Love,
Rayo.
About Rayo:
When Rayo Adegoke is not writing to somehow give hope and promote wellbeing for orphans and vulnerable children through her work at Catholic Relief Services, you’ll find her penning her heart about the fight for everyday joy on her blog: Iseejoy.
You can also connect with her on: Instagram & Twitter
