Think about the last time you said, “I’m sorry.” Did you mean it? Did you actually do something to warrant the apology? If No, then this is for you…
Saying sorry too much is a common problem (especially among women). Our society often encourages and teaches women from the earliest age to be kind, malleable, pleasing, accommodating and acquiescing. But, over apologizing all the time could mean you’re essentially saying sorry for your existence, which not only undermines your self-worth but can damage your self esteem, make people lose respect for you and reduce the impact of future apologies.
The issue isn’t that women should stop staying “I’m sorry” altogether. It’s that we need to utter those words only when an apology is necessary, and not when we are afraid to offend, upset or put off someone by speaking up for what you want or believe. So, if you have the tendency of over-apologizing, or are the type of person who blurts “sorry! even when you’ve done nothing wrong, you find yourself saying sorry too much, then you most likely lack faith in your own judgment, care too much about the feelings and preferences of others, care a lot about keeping the peace and preventing conflict, are overly sensitive to the idea of situations or relationships going south, or had a difficult or different upbringing.
Now even though apologizing can be a powerful tool for building trust and improving social cohesion, you should know, once you say sorry too much you send the signal that you are meek, unsure and undeserving.
Which is why we have put together strategies that can help you stop.
Know what you should (and shouldn’t) apologize for
If you couldn’t control the situation then, there’s no need to apologize, But if you were really at fault, own up to it. Admitting you’re wrong is never easy, but it can strengthen your relationships and show that you have emotional intelligence.
Get comfortable with saying “NO.”
Saying “no” can be awkward and uncomfortable for some, but it can be a very effective way to avoid saying sorry. If you’re swamped at work and a colleague asks for help, you don’t need to be sorry for not chipping in. Be transparent. There’s no need to go out of your way simply because you felt bad.
Turn Apologies Into Gratitude
The next time you feel an apology rising up inside you, think of a way to rephrase it into a statement of gratitude. For example, “I’m sorry you had to stand in for me at work yesterday” can easily become “I’m so grateful you did me this favor!”Not only is this more pleasing to the hearer, but it focuses your mind on positivity.
Pause Before Apologising and be more self-aware.
Before saying sorry, stop and ask yourself this: “Have I actually done anything wrong here?”If the answer is no, do not apologize! The urge can be easier to resist if you ask this follow-up question: “If I didn’t do something wrong here, do I really want people to think I believe that I did?”
Phrase Questions Carefully.
There’s no need to over-apologize when you need clarification, so don’t say sorry when you ask. Instead, experiment with questions like “Could you please expantiate?” or “Can you please help me understand this better, instead of saying “sorry, I didn’t get that.
Flipping the script takes self-discipline, and may feel difficult initially but over time, it’ll begin to feel natural and No! not saying sorry always doesn’t make you rude.
Culled from Lawofattraction.com, Forbes & cnbc.com
